Montauk Monster solved!

I'm sure that we all remember the lovely 2008 carcass of so much mystery.
There were so many theories hopping around, it was hard to track them all:
It's an alien.
It's a sea monster.
It's the Chupacabra!
It's a genetically altered government experiment.
It's a raccoon!
It's my grandmother.

But, finally the truth is revealed.
It IS a raccoon.

I know, I know, shocking, right?
But the truth is, it IS pretty shocking.
We who believed it to be a raccoon from the get-go still differed on how/why it looked so freakishly like a bear and a bull-dog had been shoved into a KitchenAid Blender.
Maybe it had mange....maybe it's simply water decay...
But we were all wrong.
This little guy was roasted like a turkey on Thanksgiving.

...By these guys.

Yes, there he is, in the watermelon that one guy is holding...

Yes indeed, nothing says fun like stuffing a dead raccoon into a watermelon, lighting it on fire and sending it out to sea on a child's' rainbow duck floaty.
In a really bizarre twist of fate...that guy holding the raccoon stuffed watermelon is in fact...an animal-rights activist.

He and his lovely group of animal-loving buddies were simply messing around on a beach a little ways west of Montauk the weekend before July 4th, putting together a bunch of drift wood and stealing a young child's flotation device when one of them found a dead racccoon.
“this creature was honored with a viking funeral, not merely exploited for crass entertainment.” the anonymous man explains.

Yes, this is what he considers a "Viking Funeral".
Because Odin TOTALLY digs rainbow floaties. That right there is getting that raccoon into Valhalla. No doubt in my mind.
I can almost see the Valkyries descending and plucking the little raccoons fragile soul from the flames as they engulf his watermelon-y tomb.

(Here's the link to the rest of the article:
http://assme.org/2009/06/04/a-year-laterthe-truth-behind-the-montauk-monster-revealed/

If you don't believe that article...
Here's another one:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,525145,00.html
And that last is by Fox News...so it must be at least partially true...am I right?)