Monday, July 20, 2009

Arctic Goo off the coast of Alaska


A 12 mile long glob of goo recently appeared off Alaska's Northern coast, in the Chukchi Sea between Barrow and Wainwright.
(There are rumors that Sarah Palin can see it from her porch.)

With the melting polar ice-caps, many at first suspected that this 'creature' had been released from dormant slumber in a Precambrian tomb of ice.

....Or maybe it was an alien.

Or simply an unknown, wondrous organism that wanders aimlessly in the most remote areas of the oceans. (Whether or not it can actually be considered "wondrous" is debatable. It is reported to be fibrous and hairy to the touch and a lovely shade of putrid sewage black.)


But it is far less sinister than that.
Test results released July 16th show that this is
instead it is one of those very annoying, occasionally problematic algae blooms.
(You know...the things that close down public beaches at the most inopportune, frustrating moments? Like when it's 115 degrees out and your air-conditioner breaks down and all the pools in your area are so crowded that all you can see as you stand at the edge of the diving board is a mass of writhing bodies, and so you decide to drive all the way out to the beach even though you live like 50 miles away...and then that beach is closed.
Because of algae.
....I have bad memories of my childhood summers.)


This particular blob of algae is still worrying scientists and Alaskans alike, since this is a very unique bloom that has not been seen before in the region.
Barry Sherr, an Oregon State University professor of Oceanography said in an e-mail to TIME; "The fact that the locals say they've never seen anything like it suggests that it might represent some exotic species which has drifted into the region, perhaps as a result of global change. For the moment, that's just a guess."

Toxicity tests to determine if the algae might be a threat are scheduled for the near future.

(First article here:http://www.adn.com/2835/story/864687.html
Second here:
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1911517,00.html)

Montauk Monster solved!

I'm sure that we all remember the lovely 2008 carcass of so much mystery.
There were so many theories hopping around, it was hard to track them all:
It's an alien.
It's a sea monster.
It's the Chupacabra!
It's a genetically altered gover
nment experiment.
It's a raccoon!

It's my grandmother.

But, finally the truth is revealed.
It IS a raccoon.


I know, I know, shocking, right?
But the truth is, it IS pretty shocking.
We who believed it to be a raccoon from the get-go still differed on how/why it looked so freakishly like a bear and a bull-dog had been shoved into a KitchenAid Blender.
Maybe it had mange....
maybe it's simply water decay...
But we were all wrong.
This little guy was roasted like a turkey on Thanksgiving.

...By these guys.

Yes, there he is, in the watermelon that one guy is holding...

Yes indeed, nothing says fun like stuffing a dead raccoon into a watermelon, lighting it on fire and sending it out to sea on a child's' rainbow duck floaty.
In a really bizarre twist of fate...that guy holding the raccoon stuffed watermelon is in fact...an animal-rights activist.

He and his lovely group of animal-loving buddies were simply messing around on a beach a little ways west of Montauk the weekend before July 4th, putting together a bunch of drift wood and stealing a young child's flotation device when one of them found a dead racccoon.
“this creature was honored with a viking funeral, not merely exploited for crass entertainment.” the anonymous man explains.

Yes, this is what he considers a "Viking Funeral".
Because Odin TOTALLY digs rainbow floaties. That right there is getting that raccoon into Valhalla. No doubt in my mind.
I can almost see the Valkyries descending and plucking the little raccoons fragile soul from the flames as they engulf his watermelon-y tomb.

(Here's the link to the rest of the article:
http://assme.org/2009/06/04/a-year-laterthe-truth-behind-the-montauk-monster-revealed/

If you don't believe that article...
Here's another one:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,525145,00.html
And that last is by Fox News...so it must be at least partially true...am I right?)

"Unknown" life-form in a North Carolina sewer



An unknown life-form picked up by sewer snake-cam in North Carolina.

Not going to lie....this video is undoubtedly creepy the first time you watch it.
However, don't think we've just discovered a brand new species of sewer blob just yet. Explanations are available.

First, the obvious, although sometimes overlooked explanation. It is a hoax. (Anyone else see a rubber-band ball dipped in jello?) However I might be thinking a little to cynically.
But really...how hard would it be to sped up a video to make the thing look "alive" and then re-stamp the time/date?

But I'll indulge the believers.

One interesting theory was that these lovely little blobs of gelatinous goo are actually worms.
Yes, worms.
Being without dirt, or any other substance to roll around in, they instead have rolled together to form a bundle with each other.
That...or somebody's dog knows how to use the toilet.
I suppose it could also be hemorrhoids if somehow a toilet is involved.

Someone suggested that this video was not even taken in a sewer. This is actually inside a human body.
You heard me...this is the thoracic cavity.
What we're looking at is an endoscope's view of a heart and a pair of smokers lungs.
So, now we know folks. Don't smoke...because if you do, your lungs will turn into twitching blobs of gelatinous goo.
...Still trying to figure out where in your thoracic cavity there is a stream of running sewer water. I'll get back to you on that one.

Of course...it COULD just be slime mold, or one of the million kinds of bacteria in the world...
But that is obviously to simple an explanation, what this sewer cam REALLY picked up, of course, is none other then...

Constable Odo.
....So...lose your bucket, sir?


(Original video post: http://www.unexplained-mysteries.com/viewvideo.php?id=TcKpx2DxGwY&tid=157441
Forum for that video: http://www.unexplained-mysteries.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=157441)